A Letter A ribbon of words is making the world fade into grey, the words describing the state of an old heart, as darkness embraced her and led her mind astray, like a disease, mercilessly tearing it apart A change of reality as it once was; as she remembered, of the love in her heart, she so dreadfully treasured "Take this pain and turn it into a beautiful memory, my heart shall carry it from here to eternity, I'll remember it every time I turn on our melody... Bring the light into my dark, forgotten soul, that once was eaten by a cruel sorrow, put the broken pieces together and set them to eternal dreams" Fragile, seeking a man of her lost fairytale, was it, indeed, too late for a fix? Of midnight skies her skin appeared so pale; of moon: black was the blood, while she faded away, lost and regretful, desperate for one last kiss. You can also find this poem published online by OffBeatReads by simply clicking below!
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Crystal clear rain is dancing with the wind, creating a moment of relaxation and comfort, a rare moment to waste and cherish in my heart, for I know it will disappear; as the darkness creeps and forces my thoughts to tear my mind apart Skies are opening their doors and unleashing their rage, breathing heavily: under the illusion of being locked in a cage, being left with nothing but to mourn, for the heart in its peaceful place I yearn Letting go of the pain carries a greater loss: to lose myself to the sea of oblivion and false hopes, I thought a celebration would be more appropriate instead, a toast to the sacrifices and every chaos I came across. This poem, in particular, was written on June 15th, 2014. It is simple and expressing what I felt at the time. Everyone goes through something and sometimes all we can do is simply weather the storm. The most important thing, for me, was to try and come out of it a better person and appreciate the little things in life. Be it a mental illness, a traumatic event, the feeling of suffocation and a desperate need to break out of the routine - it will all pass. It's on us to decide what will be left of us, and when I wrote this, I felt like I was in a good place. I was able to put my mind at ease and look at the past as simply that: the past, because much brighter things were awaiting in the future.
One of my published pieces online (that was later deleted at my request due to publisher's breach of agreement) led to a great new thing: a collaboration with the publishing house OffBeatReads, based in Ohio, USA. I am happy to say that our collaboration has officially started in December of 2022. with Adventures To Go, Book 6. This issue features my poem titled "Frozen In Hell" and it's available on Amazon via the link below: I was fortunate enough to stumble upon this wonderful team of people, authors who love and appreciate the art of storytelling and who work with each other towards a common goal. Ultimately, a bad experience ultimately led to something great.
I am, however, still salty about the fact that the poems that had to be deleted are now considered published and can only be released as reprints. Hopefully, this will inspire you to keep going - no matter what happens, no matter how many rejections or bad experiences, your many wonderful things await you. Keep going and don't give up. Read. Write. Ask for criticism and embrace it. Re-write and then take a break. Then re-write it again, if needed. Just don't give up. The world of publishing can be frustrating sometimes, and we can never know if we're in the business with someone professional until we have an opportunity to see it for ourselves. My first terrible experience happened after submitting three poems for publication a while ago and receiving an almost immediate response - that all three poems are accepted. Needless to say, this has made me extremely happy and satisfied. The editor confirmed that the payment is going to be transferred 30 days after the first publication and that he was going to publish the poems every two weeks, which was fine with me. He published the first poem as scheduled, and after two weeks have passed - nothing. Other materials from different authors and artists were posted on the page, but my two remaining poems were not. So I waited for a bit more (the first poem was published at the end of August) and I finally sent an email at the end of September. I wanted clarification on whether or not he'd continue publishing my poems - maybe he had a change of heart, maybe he forgot to publish them, maybe he was sick. So I asked about the poems and payment. He responded by telling me that he's been sick with Covid, and I was very sympathetic, told him I hope he was alright now and that his symptoms were easy on him, and I explained that I just needed to know if he was actually going to continue publishing my work. If not, I could submit it to other publications. He said that he will continue publishing it, which I was very happy to hear. A couple of days have passed and still, he hasn't mentioned the payment so I sent another email to ask if we were going to resolve that matter. This is when he tried to send the money through PayPal, but it was unsuccessful. I've suggested a wire transfer or a currency account and he responded that he's on a trip at the moment (?) and will deal with it after he gets back. This is when I realized that he was never going to pay me. So I wait, 20 days to be exact, and still nothing. I send an email asking if he was back from his trip and, of course, I don't receive a response - what I do receive is an invitation to create a different PayPal account so he can send the payment. Now, while he was on his trip I went to my bank to see what the issue was and it turns out I'm unable to receive any money through PayPal, the bank simply doesn't allow it. I send yet another email, asking if the request I received to make another PayPal account was from him and this is when I explained how I went to the bank, found out I'm unable to receive any payments that way and that I looked into other options, and found out that either a wire transfer or a currency account would work instead. No response. I wait for a couple of days and send another email, asking him why he's ignoring my messages. Now, I also had something else in mind, I was going to suggest to him to send me a couple of books in the amount he'd pay me and call it even, but I was really frustrated at this terrible attitude and it became about the principle of the thing. I was wondering what his next excuse was going to be - in my mind, it was either death in the family or a case of someone being hospitalized. But he wasn't responding, so I sent another email after a couple of days, asking why he's ignoring me. No response.
I, again, wait for a couple of days and I let him know that I'll go public with this. I wait some more and I just start writing comments on their official page, explaining what he did to me to other authors he's published and I tweet it as well. He immediately sends me an email, telling me that he was in a hospital and he just got out (on the money!). So I wait for three days and send him an email, saying that it was a coincidence because I just got out of the hospital too. I also told him I hope he's alright now, and that I also hope he's going to be more professional toward his future collaborators because his attitude toward our collaboration has almost put me into a coma. I also tell him to take down the poems he's published, which he does, but he doesn't remove the tags with my name from the website. I requested this a couple of times and he responds that it's done (it wasn't and still isn't) and that he doesn't want anything to do with me or my poems since I can't accept the money via PayPal. This is when I notice in his guidelines that he's updated the payment section, stating that they will not be dealing with authors who are unable to accept money via PayPal. I didn't respond to anything else because his terrible little mind makes me sick to my stomach and I didn't want to go back and forth with him regarding taking my tags off the website. As you can see, many holes in his little story here - which is entirely made of excuses, if you ask me. An editor of a serious publishing press needs to honor his agreements and find a solution to any problems that may occur, instead of trying to lie his way out of it. He was literally incapable of deleting my name from the website, so what could I possibly expect if I continue the argument? I was dealing with a man-child. So I dig a little deeper, google everything I can, and BOOM: I find a website where people complain about him, saying he doesn't pay them but strings them along (some of them actually think they're going to get paid). This is a terrible way to do any business and I urge all the authors not to get involved with him. Unless, of course, you can receive money via PayPal, even though that might be risky, too - if you ask me. The worst part about this experience (aside from the obvious disrespect and the fact that he couldn't care less about honoring our agreement and finding a solution) is that those poems are now considered published by other literary magazines and publications. I was forced to contact him again to confirm that all the rights are reverted back to me. They can now only be released as reprints. |
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